Refreshed!

I had a hard week and a half. I was burned out. Hazel was doing 2 night feeds again, (instead of 0-1) which makes me exhausted, which makes me impatient, which makes me get angry, which makes me feel so bad for the damage my anger does...vicious cycle! We were even on vacation in the most relaxing place, but I had such a lousy attitude. I didn't know how to snap out of it. I'd get wonderful little breaks, but it didn't seem to be enough. (Dan let me sleep in one morning, I got to lay by the pool one afternoon while he watched Hazel, etc.). When Hazel has a hard week, I have a hard week, making Dan have a hard week...again, vicious cycle! She learned how to yell/scream cry and seemed to be so angry all the sudden. It was soooooo draining. Especially in the last 4 hours of the car ride coming home from Montana. Monday night I broke down and repeatedly asked Dan for forgiveness for my horrible attitude, and taking it all out on him. We prayed together and tried to come up with some helpful solutions; (more date nights, getting to church more, etc.). Tuesday and Wednesday were still so hard, but I was able to keep my anger more in check. Hazie was just exhausting, which is quite out of character for her.

Wednesday evening we headed down to Tacoma, and Hazie again was not enjoying the car ride...We got to Jeremy and Deena's and were completely spent. On the way down I told Dan, "I hope Hazel doesn't cry the whole time we're there. And I hope I don't cry either!" I was completely and emotionally drained.

And then...God's wonderful gift of Fellowship! What a delight. We had a delicious dinner, and wonderful conversation, laughter, and games. (There's something healing about talking with another mother and realizing you're not at all alone in this. The fact that Deena, a women I greatly respect as a mother, went through the exact same thing and felt the exact same way, is so encouraging). We came home, and went to bed late, and Hazel slept through the night! This verse has been brought to my mind all morning: Lamentations 3:21-23 "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."


"New every morning" I really feel this today. I'm refreshed, encouraged, uplifted, and full of hope. I wish so badly that I was a laid back mom, but it's not who I am. I will daily struggle with giving it over to God, but I will receive His grace daily as well!


*photo taken by Dan in Hawaii